45 ways to annoy Jacob Black
by Blond
Summary: here is a list of 45 funny thing that will totaly cause Jake to phase. I don't suggest you go out and try them on him, belive me! it ends badly. x


45 Ways to really annoy Jacob Black

My name is Emma Black. I am Jacob's twin sister. I am not a werewolf and I don't want to be. None of my brother's stupid mutts have imprinted on me, thank Christ!

My social like has been ruined by this whole werewolf business. I am not allowed to have friends over in case they see something they shouldn't. So I have had to find something better to do with my spare time and I found that irritating the life out of twin was a great way to kill time.

If you ever happen to meet my brother and really want to get on his nerves here are something's that I have tried or I have witnessed that definitely push his button. Just to warn you if you do tried these things then there is the possibility that my brother will phase and scratch your face off.  
You have been warned.

You should start off with something like this, throw a stick and tell him to fetch it and when he doesn't get it say "what kind of dog are you?" and stomp off. I tried this a couple of weeks ago and he didn't phase so you're pretty safe with this one.

Buy him a kitten for his birthday and name it Edward. But you will have to keep an eye on it in case he murders it! Jake got mad and threw the cat against a wall, but he didn't go for me. So if you can live with the life of that poor cat on your conscience then this one is safe. I don't suggest lots of people do this because Jake will definitely phase but it would be hilarious to see Jake with hundreds of fury little Edwards.

Tell him he needs a haircut and when he agrees be sure to take him to the La Push the pet groomers. I haven't tried this one yet but I plan to in the very near future.

Buy him a shock collar and press the button every time he uses "Sure, sure" as a comeback. I tried this but, because I'm his twin sister, he didn't trust me enough to put it on. But you never know, it might work for you.

Give him a muzzle for his next birthday. I gave him one 2 Christmases ago and he slapped me, fracturing my jaw in the proses. So if you do decide to try this run before he realises what it is you have given him.

Go cliff diving without him. I do this all the time and it really annoys him. Most of the time I just get a lecture about my safety so if you don't want to be bored nearly to death, don't try this one.

Ask him if he has rabies. He doesn't phase but he pulls this face, a bit like a rat having a seizure, it is absolutely hilarious!

Follow him around singing "Who let the dogs out" or Duran Duran's "Hungry like the wolf". If you do it for long enough he will phase but probably won't go for you so this one is still pretty safe if you ask me.

Ask him if he has fleas he will just huff and shake his head so it's not really worth the effort.

Tell him you know the *real* reason why the La Push guys are so close. This will annoy him but he will probably have calmed down before he gets mad enough to phase. So this one is ideal if you want to remain on the safe side.

Ask him to get you a Coke from the fridge and, if he does, pat his head and say "good boy". Chances are he will just laugh but if he has had an off day you never know it might just be enough.

Dress up like a vampire for Halloween and go Trick or Treating in La Push. I do this every year and he gets irritated but last year I decided to take it to the next level. I got Nessie to dress up as Count Dracula he phased right there in front of her. I was on the floor crying with laughter!

Bring him over to your house for dinner and serve him Purina dog food. He just stomps off so this one is a bit of a failure.

Paint his motorcycle hot pink. He will phase it is guaranteed. Especially if it is gloss paint which doesn't come off no matter how long you scrub it for.

Sneeze and tell him that you must be allergic to dogs. He will just say something like "don't come near me then" and that will be the end of it.

Sing "I kissed a girl" but change the words to I kissed a wolf. I can't try this since I am his sister and it would be weird. But try it and let me know how it went.

When he comes over to your house close the toilet seat down saying you have to take precautions because you aren't 100% sure he won't drink from it. He swore at me and that was the end of it but his shocked expression was priceless.

Lick your finger then touch his chest making a sizzle sound. I did it and he laughed. If you just want to annoy him this is a waste of your time and spit.

Ask if you can try to fry an egg on his bicep. I doubt he will ever phase because of this but the face he pulls is priceless.

Go into his garage and steel all his tools. If he finds out it was you there is 50% chance he will phase.

Always answer him with "sure, sure". It will annoy him, especially if you get Nessie and Bella to join in.

When he phases, steal his cloths. I do this on an average of two times a week and now he hides 20 pairs of cut offs in the woods.

Tell him he should go see a doctor for that fever. He will just put his finger up at you so don't waste your time but is you say he should go see Dr. Carlisle Cullen about the fever there is more of a chance of him going ape, or should I say wolf.

When he needs the toilet take him outside and point to the ground. When I tried it he pushed me over.

When Jake starts shaking yell "OMG! He's having a seizure." The will phase in record time. Just make sure Sam is there to make sure he doesn't slaughter you.

When he phases, find a tennis ball and throw it, yelling at him to fetch. Again not without supervision of Sam. Maybe Paul or Embry if Sam is unavailable.

When he tries to kill you, run over the boundary line. Then point and laugh at him. The results are priceless!

Ask him what it is like to date the Loch Ness Monster. He will phase right there. This one is risky. To be honest anything involving Renesmee is dangerous.

Force him to wear a leash and collar and tie him to a pole. I never managed to get him into the collar but I bet it would be awesome!

Tell him he's Remus Lupin and Sirius Black's crack child. When he doesn't believe you, ask him why his last name is BLACK, and he's a WEREWOLF. He has seen harry potter so it will definitely annoy him.

Never use English around him- Bark instead. I got a punch so unless you are made of steel I would avoid this one.

Spray him with a squirt bottle every time he swears. This is my favourite, after around 5 times he will phase. It is so funny.

Call him a mutt...then run. He will phase, so run fast.

See how many times you can poke him before he phases. My record is 458. Let me know if you beet it.

Ask him if he's related to Scooby-Doo. I can't really do this one since I am related to him. But if you get a chance and he does phase be sure to tell me.

Threaten to get him neutered. I did this when he took my iPod and his jaw literally hits the floor!

Push him over the boundary line. I have done this many times and he has only phased twice so it is quite a safe one to try.

Tell him that he and Leah would make a good couple. I got a punch from both Leah and Jake and looked like a grape the next day so I wouldn't recommend this.

Count as many of these as you can do before he phases and rips you to shreds!

Oh and if you do get murdered by my brother I take NO responsibility.

Let me know how it goes.

Love Emma Black xxx


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